Well the last year or so has really been a rollercoaster for me, so many ups and downs and laughs and cries. Most people see me almost always smiling and especially in the gym and thats the person I`m, but this last year or so has really demanded good acting skills of me to keep my personality as I wanted and how it normally is.
Almost all problems comes from my injury on 12th of september last year and finally today after 13 months I got the message whats wrong with my shoulder its not good but looks to be something they can fix with a operation, so now its a wait again for 5-6 weeks before a surgeon takes a look at it. Hopefully that will fix the pain I live with 24-7.
Its really starting to get to me mentally and I`m impressed by myself that I have managed to push through the pain for so many months. So many times I have felt like "crybaby" and so many doubting faces I have seen during this last year, when I explain my problems. Its VERY hard for people to understand or feel a injury that they cant see.
They still cant see my injury, they cant feel my pain, but atleast now I know whats wrong and my pain is more real than ever before.
Plain and simple I shouldn´t work with this injury since it keeps the inflamation going and that of course transfers to the rest of the body. I cant count the days when I feel I could sleep forever, after 3-4 days of work, there is nothing left and in practices I squeeze the last out of my body. But not to work is not a option, so I have to push on, but I really hope the operation will fix my problems, so all can get back to normal.
My love for basketball keeps me going, after a tough day/week with the pain a go to practice and forget almost about it, but reminded in practices when I cant show the drill or reach for the ball. Then I feel I cant be the best coach I can be and maybe that sounds silly, but that haunts me bigtime.
The parents for my two teams are a huge supportsystem, they are really trying to help me in so many ways and I will be forever greatful for that. But taking help from others, when you normally are used to manage by your own is very hard and filled with a strange kind of shame. I know it shouldn´t i have helped so many during my 19years as a coach, but still it does.
To ask for help instead of giving help is very very different.
I`m so greatful for the people around me here in Hørsholm and I guess thats really what this blogg is about.
To be succesful or happy call it whatever, you have to have good people around you and I really have that nowdays.
Just like a bad pass often leads to a bad shoot a injury often leads to other problems and it has for me, but deep down I`m a fighter, winner and I WILL NOT let this injury courtesy of the swedish railways defeat me. I WILL win this time also, but this time with help.........and time.